Homecoming

Climbing back into the virtual world again after a looooong weekend with Master in RL. OMG it was amazing. I so needed to feel His presence with me physically. Near me. Inside me. Holding me... i belong there. with Him always. His. Owned. Possessed. And He knows it. i am so blessed (i hate that phrase, but it works) to have such an amazing Man in my life, not even considering the deeper bond W/we share.

So needless to say, this morning wasn't the best for me. i have a special spot near the end of the runway at the airport where i sit and wait for His flight to take off and i can have those few extra seconds with Him as i watch Him disappear. my car still smells like Him.  

i got back home with a heavy gloom. i'm glas i have my house back, but keep expecting to see Him here. Hear Him. Nothing. Callie (my kitty) feels it too. Still, i was excited to come back to SL and hope i wasn't forgotten. luckily, i wasn't. Mistress was there and grabbed me right off. It was so nice to have Her happy to see me. Even though i am going through withdrawals now in RL, i missed Her. Her passion. Her caring. Her firm tenderness.

After a brief stay, Mistress had to leave for RL, and SL was mine alone again. Not long after though i got an IM. my former mistress...

Without going into details, i would like to restate my vision of what this blog is and what my intentions are with it.

This is a place for me to express my feelings and thoughts.... anonymously, and share them with people who may be interested. Persons not wishing to hear my rambling are invited (and encouraged) to go elsewhere. As well, people who do not agree with my thoughts or feelings need to understand that they are exactly what i just stated; thoughts and feelings. To not agree with someone else's feeling is to invalidate it and the person expressing it. Period. This space is only therapeutic for me in that it provides a mirror for me to look in to reference where my head and heart were at the time something was posted. i have been very careful to maintain anonymity here and also to not analyze people whom i may encounter or have encountered, nor have i misspoken or even made unflattering statements about anyone. i didn't have any to make then and don't plan on having any in the future.

Welcome home, i guess.

Thanks

:/

 

The Girls

So much fun yesterday, and so Sweet too. Chi and Kat took me out to explore a sim that i have been wanting to check out (ChouChou... in the Destination Guide)). Aabsolutely beautiful place too! And being there with Mistress's girls was just incredible. No talk of kinky stuff. No discussion of anything beyond vanilla. Which is exactly what i need. i have been wanting to be with other submissives (or even kinky people with subbie tendencies) in normal social relationships. Just for the camaraderie and unstated understanding. Not having to feel self-conscious or judged. And what a great way to do to too. Kat has to poof eventually, but Chi stayed around and we talked for almost 2 hours! Such a sweet girl (and a cutie too).

Unfortunately, Mistress was kept at work and i didn't get to see Her. Apparently my g-talk was off too so I didn't get any offline messages from Her either. i feel bad that it was off... my tokon hud too, and can't help but feel as if i disappointed Her. She was wonderful about it and offered a suggestion to help me manage it. i guess all the new things will take some getting used to.

i had planned on working last night, but the show cancelled at the last minute and Master decided to give us all the night off. i don't think i heard one complaint about it either. He and i got to run back to His place later and just sit and talk and spend time together. i felt like i was at home in His arms. i cant wait for the non-pixelated version.

Teacher's Pet

i have been instructed to stay away from a dark post this time. And rightfully so. Not so much of a freakout yesterday, maybe just being overly sensitive and dead tired on top of it, but lets just say i am so very lucky to have an intuitive and caring Mistress... and Master.

The topic of poly play came up yesterday. For those of you that know me, you are probably giggling wickedly at the thought, but the fact is, i am really quite reluctant to share sometimes and yes, even a bit jealous. Even though i have no cause to be. i guess that's the "high maintenance" me coming out.

Mistress could tell and was so sweet about making sure i was alright. Loving and caring... i adore that. Balanced, of course, with all the rest. I talked to Master on my way to work in RL, and He could tell something was up also.

Can't hide anywhere i guess. *giggles wickedly*

On a brighter note, the day started out fantastic with Mistress. Simply taking control of me as She wished. Exactly what i need. Especially after a long night at work. Later, Mistress tried exposing me to more of her likes and it was actually a very fun scenario She went about to get me interested. Her schoolroom... Desks and chalkboard.... And me trying to be the attentive student. Maybe next time i'll rez an apple for the teacher. ;)

I won't even discuss the possibility of getting detention.

Little Things

Work was helacious last night. Busy even for us. But i felt good. Mostly. A lot of that coming from having a clear mind when i got to work.

Earlier i expressed some concern, not so much reservation, but mild worry about fitting into Mistress's household. i always do. Well, part of me writing here is so i cant hide from these thoughts. From the fears and even from the excitement... So i couldn't hide from this either. Mistress wouldn't let me.

I love that She reads this and hears me. Listens to me. And put me more at ease. i will still worry, of course, but its a learning process and i will find my place with her. i already am. She's putting there firmly.

Also, i spoke with my former yesterday.... Cordial and not confrontational at all. She really is a good lady, just a bad time and our differences were becoming more apparent. She said some sweet things and wished me well. It still saddens me. Hopefully we actually do remain friends.

And also that LH is taken care of.

In the meantime, i'm missing Master bad. i miss His touch... the caress of His voice on my soul... the scent of Him on my sheets..... on my skin.... the feel of being His...

Hers

i worry. Most of the time too much. It's one of those things i do well. Always so clinical. Hypothesis, thesis, antithesis. Isn't that the scientific process? Then replicate your results. Master always mumbles about it. And He is right. "Paralysis, by analysis."

So it's not unusual that i worry now. More so about the other girls in Mistress's household. All amazingly sweet. Drop dead gorgeous. Sexy and fun. i just worry about my role. My character. How i fit in. Whether my brand of submission is over the top and too much... Or maybe not enough?

i have heard it all before "Your kink is not my kink" and it's almost always followed by,"...and that's ok". Usually it is. Then again i have seen it create dissension, trouble, even work as a wedge between people. None of that is happening, of course. Not even in the slightest. And i don't feel any of it in the house. i have only met K once, and C a few times.... and played with them all for a bit. Yummy fun to say the least. That doesn't happen between a group in chaos. But i was reluctant to actually call Mistress, Mistress the other day in front of C. And then again in front of K. Not at all because i am self-conscious of it. Far from it. More so because i want to make sure i fit. Mistress is amazing. An educated and experienced Lady in her own right, and She is superb as a reader of personalities. Insightful and attentive. Yet i also know that while the rhythm of the house may be great, all of a sudden drop some relatively high protocol, trained submissive girl in the mix with a bag full of crazy toys and a sex drive making the jump to light speed.... Well, i'm sure the implications are apparent. It worked with Lo... Amazingly. i worried then too.

On the other hand.... Mistress today was incredible. She is so generous and picking up things She wishes me to have (which makes me crazy because i am more than comfortable in sl and can afford to do anything i wish or She wishes for me) and did some picking out for me today. i love creating my outfits for Her to help set the scene for Her. i see it as part of my "service" to Her, but i also love to be dressed and given given a direction to go in. She does that amazingly well. Following that.... She took command of me at the apartment. i fell right into it. i only hope my emoting was alright for Her and satisfied Her. my entire focus was there with Her in making Her moment.

Worry or not... This is where i need to be.

Even Good Girls Need It

Mistress has a habit (a yummy one too) of keeping count of the times i may have said or done something, unwittingly, of course, that needs a little therapeutic spanking to correct.

so, i made a little somehting to help Her.



i'm thinking i want this in rl too ;)


Totaly clickable and the numbers change. JH thinks i should sell them in sl *lol*

It's hanging in the apartment now.... Outside the playroom, of course ;)

Slow Burn

2 days before, Mistress asked me to accompany her to an event she had been invited to. i was floored! Of course i wanted to go, and wasn't going to let anything stop me. She was taking me out! i am used to feeling like, as Lo once said, nothing more than a bauble. Which is fun sometimes i will admit, but this was different. It wasn't a club. It wasn't some sex place to go stand around and look at each other while listening to mind-numbingly bad music. It was an art/concert event that She was invited to. Friends... Associates... People She knows and know Her. i was thrilled to say the least.

Immediately i set out to finding the right outfit. i found something suitable. A slightly bohemian thing that was still revealingly sexy without being revealingly slutty and luckily, She loved it. Something was missing though... Something i needed for me and to give to her.

i finally found it. And am now wearing my new collar, locked in place, my Master and my Mistress the only people allowed access. i love it!

 i know i am glowing. Disgustingly so. But it's something i have needed for a long time and am enjoying and don't plan on changing anytime soon as long as i can help it.

Take this little conversation i had with a subbie friend as a case in point:

[2012/02/16 15:39]  ES: i hope in am not interrupting, smiles we can talk another time:)
[2012/02/16 15:40]  Kristi Dorchester: Shes's with me now
[2012/02/16 15:40]  Kristi Dorchester: amazing lady
[2012/02/16 15:40]  Kristi Dorchester: perfect for me
[2012/02/16 15:40]  ES: congratulation, hugggs
[2012/02/16 15:40]  ES: why is she so amazing?
[2012/02/16 15:43]  Kristi Dorchester: shes just everything i could have wanted

During a convo later that day Mistress thanked me for "Making my rl better and my sl great".

i am still glowing.